It's been awhile...

Happy Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving 2011....another holiday in the desert. 30 days until Christmas and I'm sitting here in a t-shirt as I write this. Some people may love that - I find it....not holiday spirit-ish?
Seems to me that all I do is on here is complain. But it's a place for me to get my feelings out right?

I'm not all negative. I am very thankful for everything in my life. The new friends that I've made, my loving husband, my family and my friends far away. I don't know what I would do w/o them. Especially my new friends here in mini Mexico. We take care of each other - and I feel as though I can finally say that if God forbid anything happened to me, that I would get taken care of.
I'm so thankful for our marriage. I hear so many people getting divorced at our age, and it makes me so sad to think that some of my close friends are going through that. So for that, I am thankful for Cody.
Sometimes it's weird to think that we were once in elementary school together in the days of cooties. And now we're married and share a bed. But without him - I would not get to challenge myself everyday in a new place, or go to places, or meet new people. Everything happens for a reason and I want to truly believe that this is my challenge in life. To be a military spouse. Never easy, but very rewarding.

So 2012...I will try to be more positive. Make our home where our heart is. Be more productive. And be grateful for everything / everyone in my life.

movin on up?

moving on out is what i wish this post was about....

still in hell paso aka mexico. living one day at a time....that's the best i can do right?

well let's see, the wedding is now done-zo. i have the most amazing family and friends in the world. well let's say my immediate family. i could've done w/o the extended. it all went by too fast, and i wish i can do it all over again. it was so good to have most of the people that i love all in one room. i miss them already so much.

i started a job. finally. before the wedding i got a job at a call center just to get out of the house. call centers, as i have learned before. is. not. for. me. they did have a hr position opening, but that was going nowhere, and then the temp agency finally called me back with the offer for the government position. it's been about a month, and i'm already bored with it. it really makes me wonder will i EVER be happy with what i do? i just feel like i'm the bitch in the office, just doing whatever someone tells me to do. if that was the case, i'd rather be an assistant somewhere. i was hoping this job would get me in the system and help me w/ future positions, but i guess we'll have to see about that. for now, i'm trying so hard to be grateful for what i have, and to keep reminding myself that this is 100% better then what my previous situation was. i do love that my days go by fast and that weekends come quick. right now cody is away at a training for a month and as much as i HATE having him being away i do like that i'm more productive and i'm getting things done. i feel as though i have gotten SO lazy that i'm starting to annoy myself. time to get things done, and get back in shape. chin up, life is how you live it....

money can't buy you love...

but no money can certainly bring you pain....and suffering.

i feel as though me not working has so much affect on not only my emotional state of mind, but our bank account.
i feel like screaming and saying that this wedding was a bad idea, and that i don't want to do it anymore. WHERE are we going to get the money for all of this?

more and more...i'm feeling useless.....

2011...

Happy New Year.
Here's to a new year, with new opportunities, and new adventures....right?
Well then why am I sitting here on the very first day of the year by myself, feeling like crap.
Ugh, I try so hard not to be so negative, but I can't help but be annoyed when I feel like I'm stuck here...in this bubble of TX.....is this really my life? To feel lonely on the very first day of the year? Next week I'm going to CT....I can't wait to get out of here and be released for awhile.
I HATE HATE HATE that I rely so much on Cody for my 'entertainment'....I used to be so independent, and so good at being on my own. Now? I can't do anything unless he's there? WHO am I?! I want to say that things will get better once I get a job....but is that REALLY my problem? I think it has partly to do with it....but what if I'm still feeling like this after getting a job....what if.....
I wish someone can take my brain apart and analyze it....because I really do not understand what is going on with me.

I keep having weird weird dreams....
More then once I had a dream that involved me having to beat the bugs away from me.....
I just googled it...and this is what it says:

To see a bug in your dream, suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby. Alternatively, the bug may be representative of your sexual thoughts.

What in the world?!

Life...

Time to vent...

Lately I've been quite hard on myself, and down. To the point where I can't stop thinking about what went on Brittany's head when she pulled the trigger. I would never have the guts to do that...but it makes me think. I could never do that to my husband, or my family. But....what is the purpose of my life? I suppose if I said this to anyone in real life, some might think I'm being overly dramatic. I guess I would even think that I'm being drama queen...when things aren't that bad.
I should be grateful for the roof over my head, a loving husband and my family....but still I want more. This whole no job thing is really getting to me. I guess when I did have a job, and I hated it, I complained about that as well...which makes me wonder - will I ever stop complaining?

I stay up all night thinking about what I'm going to do the entire day....I can't fall asleep on Sunday nights because I worry about how I'm going to occupy myself throughout the week.
Not only is this whole no job thing driving me crazy of boredom...but it's stressing me about financially. Now that we finally have a 'wedding' date....how in the world are we supposed to afford it?

Like I have always said...I want to be that independent girl. Anow now I feel as though I've fallen backwards. Now I not only rely on Cody for my social life...but now financially as well. That is the lowest feeling in the world. I can't go out and get a pair of shoes to make me feel better without having to worry about what he'll say. I know he doesn't mind me spending the money if we have it...but seeing has we have completely cut our income in half...we don't have the money to spend.
Money money money....

I know my husband tries so hard to keep me happy....but sometimes I think we're on completely different pages. He wants to wait to have a baby....
I want one...now. The more I think about it, the more I think that I'm ready. Maybe that'll help me figure out the reason I'm in this thing called life.

....

So it's been about 3 months since I've been in El Paso, TX.
My thoughts? different.

We just got back from a weekend in Nashville. My reaction to how El Paso is? Different.

I just got off the phone w/ my mom and I am beyond frustrated.
My dad was in the ER while we were in Nashville...and no one felt the need to tell me about this. Not only that, but now they want me to get him prescriptions that he has no refills for. They refuse to listen to me and get an appointment with the doctor. My mom gets pissed that I'm getting frustrated, and tells me that I'm frustrated and annoyed because I don't do anything with my day. Thanks mom, thanks.

Yeah I'll admit it. I'm not happy here. Mostly because I can't find a job because I don't know Spanish. But I don't need someone telling me that my attitude needs to be adjusted because I don't have enough to do in a day.

TX it is?

10 days until graduation.
I act as though I'm the one graduating from this school. But in a way...I kind of am.
Cody's been trying hard to get his orders changed...and the one guy who has 'the powers' is apparently out until the Tuesday before graduation. So our conclusion?
We're going to TX.
For awhile I've put most of my eggs in TX...thinking things aren't going to change. Then a couple weeks ago, we had talked about NC, and Cody sounded so sure that we would get it changed. 'Most guys who are jump qualified are going to NC, Italy or Alaska'. So some of my eggs left my TX basket, and weighed down the NC basket.
Now, I guess I should just make scrabbled eggs out of those because I have no idea.
Well I I guess I do. We're going to TX.
Unless some miracle happes within the 2 days that 'Senior' gets back.....TX here we come.
Not going to lie....hearing Cody actually say it, instead of his 'Texas' text msg....put a few tear droplets in my eyes. But....oh well. It is what it is.