Sunday....not such a good day for me. Usually I look forward to doing nothing but by the end of the day, of sitting on the couch all day...I become so miserable, I just want to go to sleep to get this day over with.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
2013 is almost coming to an end.
SO much has happened.....I wish I was productive enough to have kept up with this blog but I guess a random post will have to do.
Let's see....Cody came home in February. Another deployment under our belt. Pat on the back for both of us :)
Promptly after his return, we found out we were pregnant. It was a definite shock...after a couple months, it really started to sink in. I was growing a human being inside of me.
Fast forward to 9 months later, I'm currently writing this post with a baby cooing next to me as he takes a nap. He's almost 2 months already. Holy crap.
Connor Jun Ciazza was born on 10.12.13 at 3:47pm. 7 lbs 3 oz 20 inches long.
Birth wasn't necessarily the easiest thing...and whoever said pregnancy is a beautiful thing is a big fat liar. After 36 hours of fluids fluids and more fluids....he came out via c-section.
I didn't care how he came out, as long as he was healthy. And surely, he had 10 fingers and 10 toes, and screamed bloody murder as soon as he entered the world. Asian as ever.
Today, although sleep deprived, I can't help but sit here and stare at him every minute, and be so thankful that he's in my world. I can't believe I'm a mom, and that I'm responsible for this tiny little human being.
I hope to keep this blog updated, now with a totally different subject in mind then originally planned, but still somewhat regular posts.
SO much has happened.....I wish I was productive enough to have kept up with this blog but I guess a random post will have to do.
Let's see....Cody came home in February. Another deployment under our belt. Pat on the back for both of us :)
Promptly after his return, we found out we were pregnant. It was a definite shock...after a couple months, it really started to sink in. I was growing a human being inside of me.
Fast forward to 9 months later, I'm currently writing this post with a baby cooing next to me as he takes a nap. He's almost 2 months already. Holy crap.
Connor Jun Ciazza was born on 10.12.13 at 3:47pm. 7 lbs 3 oz 20 inches long.
Birth wasn't necessarily the easiest thing...and whoever said pregnancy is a beautiful thing is a big fat liar. After 36 hours of fluids fluids and more fluids....he came out via c-section.
I didn't care how he came out, as long as he was healthy. And surely, he had 10 fingers and 10 toes, and screamed bloody murder as soon as he entered the world. Asian as ever.
Today, although sleep deprived, I can't help but sit here and stare at him every minute, and be so thankful that he's in my world. I can't believe I'm a mom, and that I'm responsible for this tiny little human being.
I hope to keep this blog updated, now with a totally different subject in mind then originally planned, but still somewhat regular posts.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
5.19.2012 - another chapter begins. another deployment.
this time it feels different. maybe it's because we're married - maybe it's because i'm surrounded by military family, whatever it is, it's different. maybe it's the fact that we'll be able to skype and i'll be able to see his face whenever we want.....or maybe it's the fact that the war is ending (hopefully) and that this will be the last one? who knows. but whatever it is, i'm like numb. i'm not sad, i'm not happy, i'm not emotional. okay, maybe i am emotional - what girl isn't? i'm just meh. meh meh meh.
i just wish i was closer to my family - the feeling of being plopped in the middle of nowhere is back. i know i have a support system here, i know it just takes one phone call to have someone come over, but it's just, not the same.
this time it feels different. maybe it's because we're married - maybe it's because i'm surrounded by military family, whatever it is, it's different. maybe it's the fact that we'll be able to skype and i'll be able to see his face whenever we want.....or maybe it's the fact that the war is ending (hopefully) and that this will be the last one? who knows. but whatever it is, i'm like numb. i'm not sad, i'm not happy, i'm not emotional. okay, maybe i am emotional - what girl isn't? i'm just meh. meh meh meh.
i just wish i was closer to my family - the feeling of being plopped in the middle of nowhere is back. i know i have a support system here, i know it just takes one phone call to have someone come over, but it's just, not the same.
Friday, November 25, 2011
It's been awhile...
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving 2011....another holiday in the desert. 30 days until Christmas and I'm sitting here in a t-shirt as I write this. Some people may love that - I find it....not holiday spirit-ish?
Seems to me that all I do is on here is complain. But it's a place for me to get my feelings out right?
I'm not all negative. I am very thankful for everything in my life. The new friends that I've made, my loving husband, my family and my friends far away. I don't know what I would do w/o them. Especially my new friends here in mini Mexico. We take care of each other - and I feel as though I can finally say that if God forbid anything happened to me, that I would get taken care of.
I'm so thankful for our marriage. I hear so many people getting divorced at our age, and it makes me so sad to think that some of my close friends are going through that. So for that, I am thankful for Cody.
Sometimes it's weird to think that we were once in elementary school together in the days of cooties. And now we're married and share a bed. But without him - I would not get to challenge myself everyday in a new place, or go to places, or meet new people. Everything happens for a reason and I want to truly believe that this is my challenge in life. To be a military spouse. Never easy, but very rewarding.
So 2012...I will try to be more positive. Make our home where our heart is. Be more productive. And be grateful for everything / everyone in my life.
Thanksgiving 2011....another holiday in the desert. 30 days until Christmas and I'm sitting here in a t-shirt as I write this. Some people may love that - I find it....not holiday spirit-ish?
Seems to me that all I do is on here is complain. But it's a place for me to get my feelings out right?
I'm not all negative. I am very thankful for everything in my life. The new friends that I've made, my loving husband, my family and my friends far away. I don't know what I would do w/o them. Especially my new friends here in mini Mexico. We take care of each other - and I feel as though I can finally say that if God forbid anything happened to me, that I would get taken care of.
I'm so thankful for our marriage. I hear so many people getting divorced at our age, and it makes me so sad to think that some of my close friends are going through that. So for that, I am thankful for Cody.
Sometimes it's weird to think that we were once in elementary school together in the days of cooties. And now we're married and share a bed. But without him - I would not get to challenge myself everyday in a new place, or go to places, or meet new people. Everything happens for a reason and I want to truly believe that this is my challenge in life. To be a military spouse. Never easy, but very rewarding.
So 2012...I will try to be more positive. Make our home where our heart is. Be more productive. And be grateful for everything / everyone in my life.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
movin on up?
moving on out is what i wish this post was about....
still in hell paso aka mexico. living one day at a time....that's the best i can do right?
well let's see, the wedding is now done-zo. i have the most amazing family and friends in the world. well let's say my immediate family. i could've done w/o the extended. it all went by too fast, and i wish i can do it all over again. it was so good to have most of the people that i love all in one room. i miss them already so much.
i started a job. finally. before the wedding i got a job at a call center just to get out of the house. call centers, as i have learned before. is. not. for. me. they did have a hr position opening, but that was going nowhere, and then the temp agency finally called me back with the offer for the government position. it's been about a month, and i'm already bored with it. it really makes me wonder will i EVER be happy with what i do? i just feel like i'm the bitch in the office, just doing whatever someone tells me to do. if that was the case, i'd rather be an assistant somewhere. i was hoping this job would get me in the system and help me w/ future positions, but i guess we'll have to see about that. for now, i'm trying so hard to be grateful for what i have, and to keep reminding myself that this is 100% better then what my previous situation was. i do love that my days go by fast and that weekends come quick. right now cody is away at a training for a month and as much as i HATE having him being away i do like that i'm more productive and i'm getting things done. i feel as though i have gotten SO lazy that i'm starting to annoy myself. time to get things done, and get back in shape. chin up, life is how you live it....
still in hell paso aka mexico. living one day at a time....that's the best i can do right?
well let's see, the wedding is now done-zo. i have the most amazing family and friends in the world. well let's say my immediate family. i could've done w/o the extended. it all went by too fast, and i wish i can do it all over again. it was so good to have most of the people that i love all in one room. i miss them already so much.
i started a job. finally. before the wedding i got a job at a call center just to get out of the house. call centers, as i have learned before. is. not. for. me. they did have a hr position opening, but that was going nowhere, and then the temp agency finally called me back with the offer for the government position. it's been about a month, and i'm already bored with it. it really makes me wonder will i EVER be happy with what i do? i just feel like i'm the bitch in the office, just doing whatever someone tells me to do. if that was the case, i'd rather be an assistant somewhere. i was hoping this job would get me in the system and help me w/ future positions, but i guess we'll have to see about that. for now, i'm trying so hard to be grateful for what i have, and to keep reminding myself that this is 100% better then what my previous situation was. i do love that my days go by fast and that weekends come quick. right now cody is away at a training for a month and as much as i HATE having him being away i do like that i'm more productive and i'm getting things done. i feel as though i have gotten SO lazy that i'm starting to annoy myself. time to get things done, and get back in shape. chin up, life is how you live it....
Monday, January 10, 2011
money can't buy you love...
but no money can certainly bring you pain....and suffering.
i feel as though me not working has so much affect on not only my emotional state of mind, but our bank account.
i feel like screaming and saying that this wedding was a bad idea, and that i don't want to do it anymore. WHERE are we going to get the money for all of this?
more and more...i'm feeling useless.....
i feel as though me not working has so much affect on not only my emotional state of mind, but our bank account.
i feel like screaming and saying that this wedding was a bad idea, and that i don't want to do it anymore. WHERE are we going to get the money for all of this?
more and more...i'm feeling useless.....
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011...
Happy New Year.
Here's to a new year, with new opportunities, and new adventures....right?
Well then why am I sitting here on the very first day of the year by myself, feeling like crap.
Ugh, I try so hard not to be so negative, but I can't help but be annoyed when I feel like I'm stuck here...in this bubble of TX.....is this really my life? To feel lonely on the very first day of the year? Next week I'm going to CT....I can't wait to get out of here and be released for awhile.
I HATE HATE HATE that I rely so much on Cody for my 'entertainment'....I used to be so independent, and so good at being on my own. Now? I can't do anything unless he's there? WHO am I?! I want to say that things will get better once I get a job....but is that REALLY my problem? I think it has partly to do with it....but what if I'm still feeling like this after getting a job....what if.....
I wish someone can take my brain apart and analyze it....because I really do not understand what is going on with me.
I keep having weird weird dreams....
More then once I had a dream that involved me having to beat the bugs away from me.....
I just googled it...and this is what it says:
To see a bug in your dream, suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby. Alternatively, the bug may be representative of your sexual thoughts.
What in the world?!
Here's to a new year, with new opportunities, and new adventures....right?
Well then why am I sitting here on the very first day of the year by myself, feeling like crap.
Ugh, I try so hard not to be so negative, but I can't help but be annoyed when I feel like I'm stuck here...in this bubble of TX.....is this really my life? To feel lonely on the very first day of the year? Next week I'm going to CT....I can't wait to get out of here and be released for awhile.
I HATE HATE HATE that I rely so much on Cody for my 'entertainment'....I used to be so independent, and so good at being on my own. Now? I can't do anything unless he's there? WHO am I?! I want to say that things will get better once I get a job....but is that REALLY my problem? I think it has partly to do with it....but what if I'm still feeling like this after getting a job....what if.....
I wish someone can take my brain apart and analyze it....because I really do not understand what is going on with me.
I keep having weird weird dreams....
More then once I had a dream that involved me having to beat the bugs away from me.....
I just googled it...and this is what it says:
To see a bug in your dream, suggests that you are worried about something. It is symbolic of your anxieties and/or fears. What is literally bugging you? Consider also the popular phrase "bitten by the bug" to imply your strong emotional ties or involvement to some activity/interest/hobby. Alternatively, the bug may be representative of your sexual thoughts.
What in the world?!
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