Senioritis.

Being 26 y/o.... I wonder and think about what my purpose in life is supposed to be. Okay, maybe I won't go that deep...I just wonder where I'll end up career wise. I say that HR is what I want to stick to, but do I? I feel like at this time in my life, I should know, and I should be on the right path. But where I am right now...feels like I'm stuck on a dead end street. I want more then anything, to be that person that says 'I LOVE MY JOB!' with a really perky smile on my face....I fear that I'll never have that. I feel that I can do so much more, I just don't know what. HR can be very rewarding, and their are so many opportunities...I just don't know if its right for me. So go back to school? I don't know.
Senioritis.
It's getting harder and harder to concentrate,and do my very best knowing that I'll be leaving in a few months. I love that I get more and more projects...it makes me believe that my boss has a lot of trust in me...but I wonder if its starting to show that I'm slacking, and I'm sitting at my desk emailing my friends. I love a day that flies by, so busy that you don't even have time to go to microwave to heat up your lunch....
I can't remember the last time I had one of those days....
Instead I'm constantly staring at the clock...from the minute I put my toosh on the chair.

On another note....I wonder what my husband thinks of me and my career. Sometimes I really do think that he wants me to just get a job, just to get one. But I want to be someone that's career oriented. I want to have my own life, even through this crazy thing called a military life. Through all of the moving we may end up doing, I still want to establish myself, and become a 'career woman'. I don't want to be a stay at home mom, I don't ever want to be the wife that asks her husband for money to go shopping. Is that weird?

I want to be busy...I'm trying so hard to keep up with my routine of coming home, working out, making dinner, watching my nightly shows, and going to bed around 10:30 after Chelsea Lately...but today, that routine did not happen.
I laid down to take a 'wee nap'...which turned out to be almost 2 hours long, and woke up promptly before Grey's Anatomy came on.
After my nap, I was very....lonely. I think when I'm not busy....I get emotional....and start to get lonely. I need to keep busy....
Then I get a call from my dear husband...only to frustrate me even more.
I understand that he's busy, and I'm glad that he is....but sometimes I think he thinks that he is the only one that's busy, and the only one that's frustrated. Everyone else's busy day, or everyone else's frustrated day, doesn't match up. He asks how my day was, and I say 'it was quite the frustrating day'....he responds with how frustrating his day was because he got in trouble for letting his guys have their cell phones? I waited to see if he asked why my day was frustrating....I got nothing. I know that he's always kind of been like this...but today it hit me hard.
When I get annoyed or frustrated, I shut off. So after that, I was done talking. We awkwardly got off the phone, and I became a crying mess. What is wrong with me?!
Maybe I was upset because he didn't ask why I was frustrated? Or maybe I was more upset that I wasn't busy enough today? Or maybe I was just yet again...lonely.

Yesterday I was so good....with positive thoughts like 'being apart only makes us stronger'...
I even gave my best friend advice on how I think this greatly makes us relationship better, bcause when we are together, it's nothing be fabulous.
But today....I'm total opposite? Sometimes, I really hate being a girl.

I've always been the 'keep your thoughts to yourself' kind of girl...hence why I've started this blog to kind of let it out. But with Cody, I promised that I would work on telling him if something was wrong. So I texted him knowing full well that he was busy... with 'I know your busy, but don't act like you are the only one, or the only one with a frustrating day. I know my life is not at all interesting, but it makes me feel like shit'....
I'm glad I got it out, but also made me feel guilty all at the same time. My mom always told me not to stress him out while he's away, because he needs my support, not for me to add on to the stress...so...should I have just let that go? I don't know. I got a response of 'sorry hun, i love you'.
I guess really that's all I wanted to hear, so.....why am I still crying?

I hope and I pray, that one day....I'll be able to find the dream job that I pop out of bed for every morning. One day....